I'd love to take credit for the following lines of wit and so forth, but I can't These are some classic one-liners from various comedians that were compiled for some unknown reason and ended up on the Internet. So, just read through these, don't think too hard about them, and enjoy a chuckle or two there's sure to be something to make you smile.
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't croutons just dried-out, stale bread to begin with?
* Ever wonder about people who spend $2.00 each on those bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then shouldn't electricians be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
* If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
* If four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one person enjoys it?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not considered a racist?
* Did you ever notice at income tax time, that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" that together they spell the word "THEIRS?"
* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
* You never really learn to swear until you teach your child how to drive.
* Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
* Two hats are hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
* Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
*I like long walks, especially when taken by people who annoy me.
* I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
* Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise," I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
* I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
* If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
* We all get heavier as we get older and that's because there's a lot more information in our heads.
Have a smile on me today.