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Time For Reform

January 16, 2018
by Dan Voigt , Emmetsburg News

I like lists. It's no secret, I enjoy a good list, no matter how trivial it might be, or how insignificant the information. In an internet search for something totally unrelated the other day, this popped up and I?found myself enjoying a good chuckle.

So, take a read, have a little chuckle on me, but remember the caveat: "if it's on the internet, it must be true!"

Dumb Laws in Iowa

- The following are laws that remain on the books in various Iowa cities and communities as of 2016. To avoid any embarrassment, the towns have been omitted.

- It is a crime to use a dead person's handicapped parking sign or license plate

- A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.

- One-armed piano players must perform for free.

- Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

- It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

- Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.

- A board was created to regulate among other things, hearing aids.

- Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

- Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease's "probable origin".

- All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long.

OK, here are a few specific laws from communities.

City Laws in Iowa

Bettendorf - Liquor stores may not place advertisements for beer outside the store.

Cedar Rapids - It is illegal to read persons? palms in the city limits.

Dubuque - Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.

Fort Madison - The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

Indianola - The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.

Marshalltown - Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

Mount Vernon - One must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

- No person may pick a flower from a city park.

- All softball diamond lights must be turned off by 10:30 PM.

Ottumwa - Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

And then our neighbors to the north in Minnesota have some classics, too.

- The land of 10,000 lakes declares mosquitos a public nuisance.

A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

After that, nothing I?could come up with could top such an example of legislation. But, I think somewhere, Groucho Marx is spinning in his grave over that!



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